Road to Recovery
by cursym
Summary: Alicia and Kalinda are forced to go on a work trip together, what will happen?   repost with changes and updates, please read A/N at the start of the first chapter for details. set after 3x13.
1. prologue

_Disclaimer: "The Good Wife" belongs to a bunch of people who aren't me._

_Spoilers: up to 3x13._

_A/N:__** To those that noticed that I removed this story, first, I'm sorry. Second, the reason I did it is because I didn't like the way it was. With that being said, I'd hate to leave it unfinished and there are some elements in it that I do like. So I made a few changes: I rewrote chapter 2, made slight adjustment in chapter 3 and added chapter 4. Also I know pretty much where this is going. Another 2 chapters after chapter 4 I believe, and I should be able to finish by the end of next week, the week after that at the latest.**_

_Hope you enjoy it._

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><p>Alicia is on her way home when Courtney tells her Diane wants to see her in her office before she goes. Alicia sighs, she had a very long day, they lost a case they've been working on for 3 months, making Cary gloat as a result, and she was already late for her weekly family time with the kids. Nevertheless, she passes through Diane's office, knocking lightly on the door before she enters.<p>

"Oh, Alicia, good that you stopped by, I need to send you on a special task".

"Sure", Alicia says as she takes a seat, "What is it?"

"Well, we need to get few depositions for the Edmond case, it's out of town, and it's probably going to take 4 or 5 days, so you need to make arrangements", Diane starts to explain, "but it is a high profile case and I think it exactly the kind of thing that we talked about that could take you to the next level". She looks at Alicia and smiles: "So, you think you up to it?"

The truth is a trip out of town is quite likely the last thing Alicia wants right now, she has enough things to handle right here, and a week away from them won't make them go away but rather pile up. Still, Diane is right, and career wise the smartest thing to do is to accept, so she forces a smile on her lips and answers: "of course, I'll be happy to".

"Great, that settled then", Diane gathers her things as to signal they are done, "I trust you can finalize all the necessary details with Kalinda? But I want you to go soon, no later than Tuesday".

Alicia is taken by surprise, "Kalinda?" slips out of her mouth before she can stop herself.

"Yes, I need you to deal with the legal side of things, while Kalinda tries to tie up some loose ends", she looks up behind her glasses when she senses Alicia's discomfort: "Is there a problem?".

Hell, yeah, there is a pretty damn big problem, is she supposed to be alone with Kalinda for 4 days after what she did, to work with her like everything is okay? But being Alicia Florrick she isn't going to tell Diane that.

"I could ask some…", Diane starts to say when Alicia doesn't react for a few seconds.

"No, no", Alicia Quickly replies, "I'll do it, no problem".

She's no going to let Kalinda ruin this opportunity for her, she's done with being the one to back off, for once she is going to do what's good for her, for her career, and the world be damned. (True, it won't be pleasant for her to be in the company of Kalinda alone, but she will manage. Kalinda is the one that should feels uncomfortable; she's the one that slept with her husband, not the other way around. If Kalinda wants to, she can be the one not to go, she herself is going to go through it, no matter how awkward it may be).

"Fine, tell me how it goes and if you need anything".

"Okay, thank you, Diane", Alicia gets up, "for letting me do this".

"Good night Alicia", Diane walks her to the door, "don't let me down".

"I won't", Alicia promises.

Diane smiles to herself as she watches Alicia go, "if this won't solve it, nothing will".

She noticed something happened with Alicia and Kalinda a while ago, it was hard not to, actually. Before they always worked together, even when assigned to different cases they somehow found themselves working on the same one. Lately, it was the exact opposite, like they were doing everything in their power to avoid each other, and when all else failed, to keep their interaction to a minimum. At first she ignored it, thinking it was just some silly misunderstanding and everything will be back to normal soon, when it didn't, she told herself it was none of her business and that she needs to give them time. But the truth was it was starting to take effect on her firm, and she couldn't have that. Kalinda and Alicia were at their best when working together, and their insistence to not do so was hurting both them and the firm. She tried to tell them to work it out, but that didn't do any good. So, at last, she came up with this idea; sending them to spend a week alone together, they bound to have some interaction, hopefully get things straight, and come back to what they were. If not… well, she was always an optimistic.


	2. Let Go

**Chapter 1 - Let Go  
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><p>Kalinda woke up early, she told Alicia she will pick her up at 10:00 and she still had to stop by Lockhart-Gardner and drop a file she just finished working on last night. When Alicia Called and told her that she assigned to the Edmond case as well and that they need to decide when they are going, she was a bit surprised, but not really. She knew Diane would likely want Alicia to do the depositions (as Alicia herself said, she has a way of connecting with people, and it helps in those situations), and if the old Alicia may have pass this kind of opportunity to avoid awkwardness, it wasn't something that the new Alicia would do. (At least one good thing came out from all this mess, Alicia finally stands up for herself, though Kalinda would rather do it for her if it meant that they were still friends).<p>

She knows awkward doesn't begin to describe what's they about to get themselves into, and she fleetingly thought about calling this off from her side. But it's not like she could just go to Diane and tell her she's not going. (actually, she most probably can, just like she told Eli she won't do that job for Peter, they need her too much to make her do things she doesn't want. They know it is best for all involved to give her the freedom she needs - she would do everything for the firm, except the things she won't, which are her decision and hers only.)

The truth is, two weeks ago, she would have done it, walked the other way, told Diane to send someone else, or better yet, made some excuse to why she has to go on a different time. But things are better now, ever since Alicia found out about Grace, ever since she came to bail her out. No more eye rolls (well, maybe that a little exaggerated, but a lot less), and they can actually talk like human beings, be in the same room together. Kalinda doesn't kid herself, they are not friends, far from it, but this is a big case, and it is preferable they will both work on it. She can only hope they'll manage to be civil while doing so.

As things stand, she is now on her way to pick Alicia up. She's there on time, Alicia, of course is already waiting for her in the street, her bags by her side, looking professional as always. Kalinda gets out to help Alicia with the bags, but she is stopped before she can make a move: "its okay, I've got it", Alicia offers as a greet.

Kalinda raise her hands in defense, thinking: "so this is how it's going to be". But she smiles and returns to the car: "As you wish, have you had your morning coffee yet?", she asks in an attempt to lighten the atmosphere.

Alicia enters the car in the passenger's side: "Yeah, all set, let's just get going", she buckles her belt. "The sooner we start, the sooner we can get this over with", she mutters under her breath.

Kalinda pretends she didn't hear that, Alicia is angry, it's understandable, she most likely been pushed to take part in this so called work trip. And she is in a much more fragile position than Kalinda, she can't say no, not without hurting her status. Better let her blow some steams.

They drive in silence for about an hour; Kalinda (who would have thought) is making futile attempts at small talk, each one of them being blocked by Alicia's wall of Silence. In the end, Kalinda can't take it anymore, she turns the blinker, and coming down from the highroad.

"What are you doing?" Alicia demands, "This isn't the way".

"I know", Kalinda calmly says, "We taking a little side stop". She glances at Alicia:"don't worry, it won't take long".

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><p>Alicia is having second thoughts, she told herself that she could do it, that she could be professional. Turns out thoughts are easier than deeds. She really wanted this whole thing to be as pleasant as possible, she promised herself she would be polite, she will talk with Kalinda, treat her just like she would treat any other co-worker. Thing is, the moment that Kalinda's car came around the corner, all the memories came flooding back: All the times they drove together to question someone, all the talks they shared during those rides. And it hurts, it hurts so bad, at this point she is not even sure what hurts more: the thought that it wasn't real, or the thought that they'll never share those moments again.<p>

So she doesn't answer Kalinda, she doesn't talk. She doesn't talk so she would not cry, because that she will not do, not here, not in front of her. Instead, she busies herself with the road, looking out of the window. Suddenly she notices they no longer go where they supposed to, Kalinda, being her mysterious self, doesn't volunteer much information, saying something about a stop, and that it won't be long. Alicia is too tired to argue (especially after noticing the look of determination Kalinda has, this look doesn't come often, but when it does…) so she just sighs and leans back at her seat. Better play along, she thinks, It be quicker.

After about 30 minutes drive, they stop in the middle of nowhere, near a lake, and a few trees.

"What's that? Where are we?", Alicia demands.

"Nowhere in particular, but we'll stop here for a while, it's quite, and nobody's going to interrupt us".

She gets out of the car and looks at Alicia: "Are you coming?"

Alicia turns the other way and refuses to look at her.

Kalinda just shrugs and point to a tree near the water, "I'll be there, when you'll get tired of sitting here".

Alicia is furious, the nerves of this woman, but it is a nice day outside, and it doesn't seem like Kalinda is going to give up, Alicia can see her from the car, lying under the tree, her arm covers her eyes, and it doesn't look like she is going to move any time soon.

So, with a sigh, she gets out of the car and heads towards Kalinda. "Okay, you've won, what are we doing here?"

Kalinda opens her eyes and looks at Alicia. She take a moment to assess her and then stands up and talks: "We can't go on like this Alicia, with all of the hostility and venom in the air, we need to work together, if nothing else, and for the next couple of days there isn't anyone who can come between us, just you and me. We don't have to be friends, but this is taking a giant step backward".

"You're not get to be the one that decides that", Alicia spits angrily.

"No", Kalinda agrees.

"What did you think? That a little fresh air will make everything go away?" she is now beyond mad, especially seeing how unfazed Kalinda is.

Kalinda is making sure she is the sole object of Alicia's attention before she answers: "You Angry, Alicia, and rightly so. But you need to stop being angry, it's not good for you, it's eating you from inside. Thing is, it is not so easy to let go of the anger, I've hurt you, I know that, but this isn't about me now, it's not about us, it's about you".

Alicia is starting to walk back, but Kalinda is holding her: "So we are going to stay here until you let go of your anger, until you accept it, and express it", she let her hand circles all of their surroundings, "this time, Alicia, there's no one here, so you can scream, and shout, and stop holding it all inside".

Alicia turns to leave when she hears Kalinda: "You should do it; it's good for your soul".

That stops her, the memory of the last time Kalinda said those words to her is washing over her, when they only just met, riding in her car, Kalinda flipping some idiot driver off, telling her she should try it sometime.

Thinking that maybe she should, she starts to scream. At first it just screams, no meaning behind them, just releasing all that was boiling up inside her. Soon, though, her screams turn to words, words of accusation, words of blame, of how Kalinda slept with her husband, how she betray her trust, betray her friendship, betray her. She screams and shouts until she can't, and then she falls to the ground and starts to cry. At some point she spots Kalinda out of the corner of her eye, trying to get near, but she looks up at her with a look that doesn't leave room for interpretation, and Kalinda backs off.

Finally, when she feels like there's nothing left inside of her and that she can't cry anymore. She wipes her face, stands up and looks at Kalinda. "Why, why'd you have to do it? Why it had to be you, why?" she murmurs. Then, without waiting for reply she heads back to the car, feeling exhausted but strangely calm.

Apparently spending the day shouting out your pain and hurt in the middle of nowhere can take quite a long time. So by the time they are set to go it is too late to do anything useful that day, and they decide to call it a day and go to a hotel not too far from where they are. When they arrive Kalinda pulls over, looks at Alicia and asks: "feel better?"

Alicia silently nods.

"Good", Kalinda opens her door, "when you are ready to talk, you know where I am", and she leaves Alicia there, with her thoughts.


	3. Don't Look Back in Anger

**Chapter 2 - Don't Look Back in Anger**

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><p>Kalinda is in her hotel room, it's nice and cozy but she doesn't feel like staying there. She has too much adrenalin and she is looking for something to do. Her number one choice is to go have a drink with Alicia at the bar, but she knows that not going to happen. Not yet anyway, but soon, she could see Alicia melting earlier, she just need some time with herself, to process her thoughts and feeling. It was plain to Kalinda however that Alicia misses her just as much as she misses Alicia.<p>

Ruling out that option and being stuck in a hotel in the middle of nowhere (a very nice hotel and a very beautiful nowhere at that, bit still) she doesn't left with very much. So reluctantly she drags herself to the bar, in hopes she could be left alone tonight, she doesn't really feel like having company (with one obvious exception).

She is entering the bar, choosing to sit in a dark corner where she is almost unnoticeable and ordering her drink of choice. Not shots, those reserved for other occasions (like celebrating with Alicia a just invented tradition, or fishing information expeditions), not beer, not tonight, tonight she's in need for something strong, the selection is modest so she is settling for some clean scotch.

She drinks slowly, savoring the taste, the sting in her throat. She observes the crowed there, mostly business' men that spends the night, no large groups, no regulars. No one bothers her and she can let her thoughts wonder, about nothing in particular really; what she needs to do tomorrow, the leads she should follow, the laundry that awaits her in Chicago.

At some point during her stay, Alicia walks in, Kalinda leans in her corner to make sure Alicia can't she her. But Alicia doesn't even look her way, she goes straight to the bar and orders shots, two at once. She consumes the first quickly and then sits down, looks around briefly and returns to the second. Guess she's not the only one that in need for a drink tonight.

Kalinda almost gives in to her urge to walk down there and join Alicia, but she resists the temptation, Alicia's whole demeanor is saying "back off world". She sighs, how easy could it be to just walk and sit right next to her, like nothing had happened. But she knows better, she knows things aren't easy, and maybe they shouldn't, maybe they should be hard so you know how important they are.

She wants to go, but dares not leave her corner. So she waits, she doesn't have to wait long, after two more shots Alicia sighs, palms her face in her hands and then brushes her hand through her hair, gets up, pays the bill and leaves. Kalinda is following her, just to make sure she's okay, she did have quite a few drinks, but Alicia is heading for her room. She stops however, in front of Kalinda's door, raises her hand to knock, than shakes her head like she had a second thought and walks down the corridor to her own door.

"Soon", Kalinda thinks, "Soon she will be ready". And with that thought in her mind she enters her room and goes to sleep.

The next morning is cold and gray, Kalinda wakes up but doesn't want to get up, she forces herself though, there is work to be done. She grabs some milk from the buffet (coffee was never her thing, neither is breakfast) and sits in the lobby to wait for Alicia. A few seconds later she is coming down the stairs, greeting Kalinda with a hesitant half smile and a nod: "I'll just be a moment", she is saying, pointing to the dining room.

"No problem, I'll wait here".

Alicia nods again and goes to eat her breakfast, true to her word, 15 minutes later they are in the car, driving to their first stop. Alicia is the one who drives today, so Kalinda can relaxes and enjoy the ride. There is still silence between them, but it is different somehow, not like yesterday, lighter in a sense, almost comfortable. And Kalinda remembers last night, and she knows Alicia too well, so she doesn't push it, she just leans back and gives Alicia the time she needs.

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><p>Alicia is humming to herself, the day has brighten up a little, Kalinda is in the seat next to her, with eyes closed, but the woman is so damn calm all the time Alicia can't figure out whether she is asleep or not.<p>

Thinking about it, the only times she saw her losing her composure were when she was involved, in particular, when she burst at her or something to similar effect, and even then it was just a small glitch, nothing more.

She looks at her for a second, if she is honest with herself, she misses her, badly. The same thing Kalinda said could be applied to her, she doesn't have many friends, and Kalinda was a friend. Not her normal friend for sure, she never gossiped with Kalinda, or talked hours on the phone, or went with her to a spontaneous shopping spree, but a friend none the less.

One she could spill her guts to, and drink her troubles away with. One that helped her every time she needed it, every time she asked, and a few times she didn't. One that she can trust, one that will never betray her. One that she desperately misses.

But she has work to do and she is pushing those thoughts to later, focusing on the now. They have arrived at their destination and she turns to wake Kalinda only to see that she is already up (if she ever was asleep in the first place): "We're here, let's start working".

"Let's", Kalinda agrees.

They go their separate ways, each to her part. Alicia handling the depositions while Kalinda is asking questions trying to figure out a few details that could close the case for them.

Alicia is busy taking a deposition when she spots Kalinda in the corner of her eyes. It strikes her again how natural Kalinda at this, how she can make people trust her within minutes of the time they meet, how she can make them tell her exactly what she needs to know, how she can persuade them to do what she wants. How she knows where to look and what to do to get her way.

She can't think about this at the moment, she needs to concentrate, it is a very important case, and she doesn't want to miss anything. There is a little pang in her heart though, when she watches Kalinda; she likes being a lawyer, and she likes working at Lockhart-Gardner, but she remembers her first year. How confused and terrified she was, and how kalinda made it easier, with her tease and her traditions, her cryptic words and leathers jackets. How she took her along to some of the investigations, explained what she was doing, made her a part of everything. She misses that too.

She let Kalinda stay at the back of her mind, and returns to her duty. At some point she decides "Tonight, I will speak with her tonight". It is long overdue, she knows it, and she is ready to leave the anger behind. After that, her mind settled to a relative ease so when Kalinda comes to her as the sun begin to set and tells her she is all done for today, she about to wrap things up herself, so she smiles at her: "I need a couple more minutes, and then we can go".

Kalinda nods and leaves her to finish.

They back in the car, talking about what they managed to achieve today, they still need a day or two to cover all the angles, but all in all it was a good day work wise, (and Alicia hopes It'll turn out to be a good day overall). The conversion is nice and light, no sensitive issues, nothing personal, strictly business but it doesn't feel forced either.

They arrive back to their hotel, and say they goodbyes for the day, each go to her own room. As she is climbing the stairs Alicia chastises herself, she wants to talk to Kalinda, she just can't seem to be able to make the first step.

She enters her room and spreads on the bed; an internal fight goes inside her. "Just go and do it" versus "No, not yet". And "You know you should" and the reply: "but does it have to be today?". And on and on it goes. She grows tired of it eventually, so for nothing else but to stop the voices in her head she makes a verdict: She will call her kids, take a shower and then she will go and talk to Kalinda. And no excuses are allowed.

She is Alicia Florrick, and when she gets her mind set on something, she will not stop until she'll get it…


	4. Forgiven, Not Forgotten

**Chapter 3 - Forgiven Not Forgotten**

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><p>Kalinda was just getting out of the shower, as she heard her phone rings. She moves quickly to pick it up, still wrapped up in a towel. She looks at the caller ID before she answers, it is will.<p>

"Kalinda".

"Hi, K, I just wanted to know that everything is going according to plan?"

"Yes, everything fine, we managed to do quite a lot of work actually, and I think this case is going to turn to our favor".

"Good, good", He says.

Kalinda knows that is not why he called, he has too much on his plate right now to worry about this, as big as this case may be. And it is not even his case, Diane's the one that took charge of it. No, he has other motives, but he'll have to get there on his own. So she remains silent for a few moments, knowing that he'll open up eventually.

And he does: "How's Alicia?"

"Um, fine, I guess, she seemed really excited this morning while taking down the depositions, and I think the time out of the drama is good for her".

Again no one says a word, but this time it is Kalinda that breaks first: "Will, why aren't you calling her yourself?"

"I…I just can't, it's... things are too complicated right now".

Yeah, she knows complicated, but she also knows that hiding things from Alicia may not turn out to be the best option. "Are you going to tell her?"

She can almost see him flinch: "About the instigation? No. there is no reason for her to be involved; I want her out of this". He says this with a determination in his voice, but Kalinda doesn't let go. "She's already involved, Will. She had been from the start, and more so now, you have to tell her".

He sighs, and now Kalinda can picture him pouring a drink from one of the expensive bottles he keeps in his office for this purpose exactly. "I know, you right, I'll talk to her when she gets back".

"Speaking of which, how are things shaping up?"

"To tell you the truth, I don't know, they haven't made any move yet. But I worry it's just the calm before the storm".

"Do you need me to come back? I could be there by tomorrow", she offers.

"No, no, I'll be fine, just do you job".

"Will", she says gently, "This is my job".

He turns quiet, and in this lack of words Kalinda can sense how much her statement meant for him.

"There's no need", he repeats, "Elsbeth says the best thing we can do right now is wait, and as funny as she is, I still trust her".

"Yeah, I still don't entirely get it", She tells him.

He laughs: "me too sometimes, but you gotta give her credit".

"Let me know if something changes, or if you need me for anything", she is concerned about him, and she has to make sure he uses her right.

"I'll keep you posted", he assures her, "and Kalinda?" he adds.

"Hm?"

"Thank you", and with that he ends the call, not giving her a chance to dismiss him or to lessen her doing.

She puts her phone on the table, drops the towel and starts to get ready for bed. It's still early, but she is tired, both physically and mentally. The emotional toll of the last couple of days is becoming visible on her face. She's been extra careful, thinking twice about her every step, walking on eggshells, not wanting to make Alicia distressed or uncomfortable in any way, but wanting her to come to terms with her anger, wanting her to give their friendship another chance.

She is just about ready to turn off the light when she hears a knock on the door. 

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><p>Alicia did as she said; she took a shower, talked with Zach (Grace wasn't there, but she did exchange a few words with Peter, deciding to meet next week for a dinner and talk things over) and now there was nothing left on her short to do list but to go talk with Kalinda, really talk, really listen.<p>

She was nervous, she even contemplated the idea of going to the bar for a drink or two first, or even better, to bring a bottle with her to Kalinda's. But she knew better, it was not something she could just mark off her list, courtesy of being drunk.

No, she needs to go without armor and shield, to say what's on her heart and hear Kalinda. Their friendships deserved it, even if Kalinda herself may not, it was real, and Alicia refused to believe that it wasn't, and it could be real again, but _**she**_ has to be the one to take the first step.

So, she takes a deep breath, masters up all the courage she has and before she can have second thoughts she knocks on Kalinda's door. Lightly, too light, she fears, Kalinda didn't hear her and now she'll have to go through all of this pep talk with herself again.

But she hears some rustling sound from within and a few moments later the door is opened, and Kalinda stands before her. She is a little taken aback at first sight, Kalinda is with her hair down, without her makeup and outside of her usual outfit of skirt and leather jacket, oh and boots, can't forget the boots.

Somehow, in a way only Kalinda can pull off, she looks even fiercer like this, in shorts and baggy shirt. Like all the masks taking off reveal the real Kalinda, and you find out that the power comes from her, not from the appearance. That the clothes, if anything, are only hiding the force that radiates from Kalinda, the one that is pure Kalinda.

Yet, in an intangible mix, she is also full of tenderness, one that doesn't get pass the masks, and usually remains unseen. One that is multiply by thousand the minute she recognize it is Alicia at the door. One that makes her even more beautiful than she normally is.

Alicia clears her throat: "Can we talk?"

Kalinda is moving from the doorway to let her pass: "Of course, do you want anything, I can call the room ser…"

"No", Alicia stops her mid sentence, "let's just talk".

Kalinda gestures to the couch in the side of the room, while she herself heading to the bed. To give me space, Alicia realizes, but she came here to overcome the differences, so she just ignores her and heads for the bed too. If Kalinda is surprised she isn't letting it shows.

"Alicia, I…", she tries to start but again Alicia doesn't let her finish.

"No, I need to do it, I…I just need a minute".

She is fidgeting with her hands, thinking of a way to form her thoughts to words, and in the end settling for just talking: "I don't want to hear excuses, or explanations or why you did it", she can see Kalinda moves uneasily next to her, but she continues: "I don't even want to know why you didn't tell me, and I certainly don't want to talk about _**that**_".

She now wish for that bottles of wine, but she isn't going to stop now: "The truth is I miss you, I miss our friendship, I miss our talks, I miss coming to work and knowing you'd be there, really there, not just in the office…".

"I kno…", Kalinda tries to interrupt her but is cut shortly by Alicia: "No, let me finish", she says firmly: "Please", she adds more gently.

She waits till she catches Kalinda's look and then she goes on: "I want this again, I want to trust you again, but it is not so simple, you can't just will trust to happen, you have to build it. And we need to do it from scratch. But I believe we can do it, and I'm willing to try."

Kalinda's look is now full of hope, she opens her mouth to speak, but Alicia is looking directly at her so she isn't even giving her a chance to start: "but I need to know three things before. Are you sorry?". Kalinda's look is of shock and pain, like she can't believe Alicia actually asking her that, Alicia sees that, so she elaborates: "not that I found out, not that we are where we are, but that it happened".

"More than anything, I'm so sorry Alicia. I wish I could take it back. I've never meant to hurt you". Kalinda is talking with such conviction and emotions that Alicia has no doubt in her mind that she means it, not that she had before, but she needed to hear say those words.

Alicia takes her hands in hers, and squeezes lightly: "I forgive you, I forgive you".

Kalinda's eyes are starting to tear up, and she turns her head so Alicia wouldn't see. Alicia already saw, but to not make Kalinda uncomfortable she says: "I also need to know that it was real, that you were my friend because you liked me, because you wanted, not because of some twisted guilt feeling, or out of pity".

Now Kalinda can't stop herself, she is crying, crying and looking at Alicia, taking her hands to emphasize her point: "I never had a friendship that was more real…I… you… I liked you, I like you, I love spending time with you". She stops to wipe away her tears and catch her breath: "I was there because of you, just you, and nothing else".

Alicia is speechless in front of the emotional display Kalinda is showing, her feelings are so clear, the strength of the emotions is so obvious, the truth of her words is so palpable she can't help but be a little happy that she got to witness it, even at the price she had to pay to do it.

She now has conformation that their friendship meant to Kalinda as much as it meant to her, that it was not just a show, she never really thought it was, but the tingling little doubt kept poking at her mind, leaving her restless. And now this, more than she asked for, more than she ever thought she'll get, more than enough to start building that trust again.

She starts crying herself, not sure if it's from happiness, from empathizing with Kalinda, or from finally letting go after all those months. But whichever it is, it doesn't matter, the fact is she is crying, and Kalinda is holding her, and this feels right.

They stay like that for a long time, until Alicia laughs and asks: "What a pair we are uh?"

kalinda chuckles: "Yes, two crying ladies".

Alicia wipes her tears and turns to Kalinda: "I'm sorry, but there is one more thing".

"Go ahead, I think we could handle it", she smiles weakly.

"I need you to promise me you won't lie to me again, you won't keep things from me", she sees the look of Kalinda face and knows what's behind it: "I know you do it to protect me, but I'm not a little kid, I can take care of myself", she smiles a little. "At least most of the time, and I know when to ask for help".

Kalinda is still not sure, "look, Alicia, I don't know if I can do it, I don't want you to get hurt, I…".

"Then stop thinking I can't handle things, stop thinking that shielding me from the world is what I need". She puts her hand on Kalinda's knee. "Look, I know you've got my back, now I need to know that you also honest with me, that if there is trouble you won't put your shining armor and ride off to save me but that you talk to me and then put on the armor", she tries a joke to lighten the mood.

"I'm tired of everybody keeping me out of the loop, thinking that I need protection. I'm a big girl now; I've faced a lot on my own. Now, I'm not saying you can't help, just that you need to stop doing it without me knowing".

Kalinda can see the reason in it. "Okay, I can try, I will try".

"Good, now if you could also share some personal details on yourself", Alicia is trying her luck, only half joking, but giving her voice enough playfulness that Kalinda will know she is not forcing her, that it is just a request.

Kalinda chuckles: "now you're pushing it".

Yeah, Alicia thinks, maybe I am, at least for now…


	5. Easy From Now On

_A\N – I'm not completely sure about this one, I've kept reading it and felt that something is missing but I couldn't put my finger on what it is. Anyway, here it is, just one more to go.  
><em>

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><p><em><em>**Chapter 4 - Easy From Now On**_  
><em>

Kalinda Sharma is lying in bed, counting sheep. She has never done it before, but the stories say it helps you fall asleep. After a few minutes of trying this, she tosses her blanket and rolls over on her back. What was she doing? She doesn't even like sheep, maybe she should count Alicias instead, then again, if she ever want to sleep tonight it probably best if she dosen't.

Alicia only just left about half an hour ago. After they finished their heavy conversion Alicia stayed for a while. There was not much left to say, or rather there was too much, But neither one of them felt like talking. Still, Alicia stayed, at a touch distance from her, yet so far away. Each in her own little world, stuck in a jungle of thoughts, savoring the company, yet not ready to do much else, want to be close, and yet need to stay apart.

Kalinda knew they only just begun, that the clouds above their friendship hadn't disappear, just turned from heavy, stormy ones to more fluffy, light ones, but they were still there. They have a long road in front of them, but they are both willing to try. Alicia made the first step, and it was a huge one for her, but they both exposed themselves, and now they need time.

Not all was said between them, you can't catch up months of not talking except polite and cold work related conversions in a few hours, no matter how deep this few hours' talk was. Kalinda almost wishes you could, but she knows better. But for now, at this moment, no words are necessary.

Somehow, she felt like they can't go their separate way just yet, like they were done with the words but still weren't done. Like they needed to be together to fully grasp what had happened, where they are now, where they are headed. Alicia must have felt that too, because she kept sitting next to her, without speaking.

It wasn't unpleasant, or even unnerving as Kalinda always thought such a thing would be (not that she often pictured herself sitting in a hotel's room with another person, not making a sound, but if she would've, she was sure the first thing on her mind would be to get out). It was calming in a way, soothing, and it didn't even cross her mind to look for escape route.

At one time Kalinda almost got up to bring something to drink, but she didn't want to break the magic. But then Alicia shook her head, smiled to herself, like she just finished an internal debate and came out victorious. She pressed her hand to Kalinda knee, squeezed lightly, said good night and was gone.

The whole thing couldn't have taken more than 15 minutes, but it was no less important than the long talk that took place before. It was somewhat essential that they could just be; no pretence, no masks, nothing to hide behind.

And now she can't sleep, too many thoughts running through her head. There were times, at the start, that she didn't believe it was possible that Alicia will ever forgive her. Those were the times she thought about leaving Lockhart/Gardner, maybe leaving Chicago all together. But as time passed, she could see Alicia losing a bit of her stance, turning softer. She could see in Alicia the same things she saw in herself, they needed each other.

She knew it was coming, sooner or later, but being ready for it is one thing, actually hearing Alicia says she forgives her is entirely different. So her mind is full, and she knows that she won't get any sleep tonight. Might as well use the time to get some work done.

When she goes down in the morning she can see that she's not the only one that didn't get any sleep last night. Alicia is as impeccable as always, but if you look close enough or if you know her well enough, it is easy to see the signs of tiredness on her face, and Kalinda does, of course.

They work all day and can hardly find time for lunch, not to mention a few minutes to just talk or catch up. When they get back to the hotel in the evening they both so exhausted they go straight to bed. Kalinda manages a thought about how when she finally can talk to Alicia again she doesn't have the time to do so before she falls to a dreamless sleep.

The next day is much better, after a good night's sleep, they are more focus, and they finish all they came here for by late afternoon. It is too late to drive back to Chicago, so they decide to stay at the hotel for one more night and head home in the morning.

They already ate dinner, and it is too early to go to bed. Kalinda knows that she may rush things, she tries to remind herself that baby steps are the key, that they need to slowly build their friendship anew, but she can't pretend she's surprised when she hears herself say: "come on, first out of city depositions on your own, that's 2 shots, it's a Lockhart\Gardner tradition". 

* * *

><p>Alicia is sitting in the dinner table, they just finished eating and she tries to plan the rest of her evening, tries to think of what she has to do when she gets back home, when suddenly she hears Kalinda: "come on, first out of city depositions on your own, that 2 shots, it's a Lockhart\Gardner tradition".<p>

She looks up and sees a look you can describe as half hesitant, half expectant on Kalinda's face. Her first instinct is to say no, true, they agreed to start over, they talk and smile and eat together, but you can't just jump from being mad at someone to having tequila shots with that same someone two days later. It's only the beginning of their renewed friendship; it's too soon for that.

Then again, she only knew Kalinda for a whole of a week or so when she first introduced her to the seemingly never ending list of Lockhart/Gardner drinking traditions.

She must have taken her time answering because she can see Kalinda squirming in her seat, saying: "Never mind, forget I said that". And she up and ready to leave.

Alicia stops her: "No, let's go". And she can swear she sees Kalinda smile, a small smile, but genuine, just under her breath.

They sit at the bar, like they always do, Alicia is glad that this place is new, unfamiliar, not tainted with memories. Fresh start, she tells herself. Their Shots arrive; Alicia makes a move for hers, then thinks for a second and stops. Kalinda sees her and her hand stops mid way to her mouth, she looks at Alicia questioningly, Alicia can see the doubt in her eyes and is quick to reassure her: "it's okay. Just… You know that I don't buy it anymore, the tradition thing. I know you made this up".

And now there's vulnerability in Kalinda's eyes, just for a fleeting second, then she smirks and says: "yes, but you always come anyway".

She is uncertain, Alicia realizes, she's afraid to make the wrong move, to say the wrong thing, to blow this up before we even start. Maybe shots are exactly what we need. And she can't help but laugh and say: "I'll drink to that". And she raises her shot glass to Kalinda's.

"I've miss this, you know", Alicia confesses.

"Yeah, me too", Kalinda sighs, "it's not easy to find a good drinking body", she smiles a full smile to Alicia.

"Is this what I am? Your drinking body?", Alicia asks, feigning hurt.

"A lovely drinking body", Kalinda insists, "And I did say it was hard to find a good one".

"You are impossible" Alicia tells her.

"Yes, I probably am", Kalinda admits.

It feels almost natural, like before, but not quite. They both a little off their game, both not completely sure how they supposed to act. Testing the water to see how the other one reacts, but it is still there, the special connection that was there from the start, the same one that made them click right away. The foundations are strong, they only need to find the rhythm again. (and no doubt the shots are helping).

Kalinda takes the second shot and hand it to Alicia. "Ready?"

She nods, takes the shot and then says: "I almost feel like we should get married or have a tattoo or something".

Kalinda is choking on her beer, looking at her in puzzlement: "excuse me?".

"Like in all the movies, they go out on a road trip, getting drunk and find themselves in a strange situation".

"Well, I'm not ready for marriage yet, thank you, though", Kalinda says in a serious tone.

"Oh, how 'bout the tattoo then?", Alicia is asking, trying not to laugh.

"Well", Kalinda can't control herself anymore, and she is laughing too. "We can arrange something, I guess, but you aren't exactly the tattoo kind of person".

"There is always you", Alicia looks at her suggestively.

"Tell you what", Kalinda puts down her beer, "let's forget about tattoos, what we can do is go to your room and put on some chick flick. I know it's not the same, but I think it is best if you won't get up with your body pierced or something".

"That sounds nice", Alicia agrees.

* * *

><p>They both on Alicia bed, Alicia find some movie she really loves and puts it on, she is so enthrall in the movie that it takes her time to notice that Kalinda is busy doing something else.<p>

"Kalinda"

"Umm?". Is all the answer she's getting.

"What are you doing?"

"Right now?", Kalinda asks, without taking her eyes of her phone.

"mm-hmm", Alicia is starting to lose her patience; she has a light suspicion that Kalinda is doing it on purpose.

"Texting", she replies, this time she looks up at Alicia.

"You haven't watched a single frame, have you?", she accuses.

"Umm, no?" Kalinda goes for the innocent card, but she knows it won't work with Alicia.

"You said you'd come and watch a movie with me, it was your idea". Alicia is now playing along, because this banter is actually… fun, and she hadn't has fun for a while.

"No", and now Kalinda has a triumphal smile on her face "I said we could put on a movie, I've never said I'd watch it".

When Alicia doesn't budge she continues "You're the lawyer, you should pay attention to the details".

Now Alicia is trying to hide her smile "You **are** impossible, you know that?"

"I've already pleaded guilty to that charge, you can't hold it down to me again", she chuckles and she is so adorable (not that she is ever going to tell Kalinda she thinks she is adorable), that Alicia can't hide her smile anymore.

"I hate you", she says instead.

"No you don't", Kalinda bumps her shoulder.

"No, I don't" Alicia agrees, and she adds quietly to herself: "I like you far too much to hate you".


	6. Coming Home

A/N: This took me longer than I expected, but it's finally done, the final chapter. :)

**This chapter (unlike the previous ones) contains spoilers for 3x13 (and everything that came before, obviously) – be warned.**

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><p><strong>Chapter 5 - Coming Home<strong>

Kalinda wakes up suddenly, the cause is a movement beside her, from the far end of the bed. She's a little hazy from sleep, so at first she doesn't understand where she is exactly and who lies beside her. Then all comes back to her. Alicia. They must have fallen asleep while watching that silly movie Alicia picked up. She somehow manage to convince her to watch it too, well convince isn't really the right word, more like emotionally blackmailed her into it. Kalinda smiles despite herself thinking about it, Alicia had been adorably sweet and if she's honest, she didn't even stand a chance, she could never say no to her.

She sighs quietly, not wanting to wake Alicia. "Great" she thinks to herself, "first I watch this movie (and actually enjoy it, but Alicia must never know this), now I'm finding myself in a slumber party, what's next? Soon I'll start doing window-shop and having little tea parties". That thought alone almost makes her get up and leave to her room, almost. But it is so warm and comfortable under the covers and she'll surly wake Alicia if she'll leave (she probably won't, she has great experience with leaving hotel's rooms undetected, but this time she doesn't want to risk it) and besides she has just a couple of hours of sleep left and a long drive tomorrow, better to exploit every second of it.

So she settles back into the mattress, closing her eyes and thinking "I am getting soft. I should do something about it…" before she falls into a sleep full of nightmares about herself in a pink dress hosting a tea party.

The alarm clock beeping and Kalinda gets up immediately, to her surprise, Alicia gets up and turns it off even faster than her, it's a mom thing, she thinks and smiles.

Alicia turns around and spots Kalinda, she seems a little surprised that she's there, but then, like Kalinda herself did last night she puts the pieces together and her face brightens up: "Good morning".

"Morning", she says and then she can't help herself and adds: "Seems like your movie choice is lacking, or we wouldn't have fallen asleep".

Alicia tilts her head: "Oh, yeah, blame me, not the shots _you_ ordered. And besides, you seemed to rather enjoy the movie once you actually started to pay attention", she finishes with a smug grin.

Kalinda has nothing to say to that, at least nothing that won't make Alicia even more pleased with herself, so she chooses to change the subject: "we should get going, if we'll leave soon we could avoid the traffic".

Alicia looks at her with a twinkle in her eyes and smile on her face that she just knows that Alicia knows exactly what she is doing but lets her get away with it, this time.

"You're right. Meet you by the car in 20 minutes?"

"Yes, that should be enough". Kalinda says as she opens the door. As soon as the door closes behind her she scolds herself "great, now she can read me like an open book, I've got to get myself together". Still, she is happy now and Alicia is back in her life, if what she has to do to have that is getting a little out of her comfort zone from time to time, well, maybe she needs to learn how to do it, after all, if she thinks about it, this is not such a big price to pay.

* * *

><p>Alicia is driving today, Kalinda is in the seat next to her talking to Diane about the case. This is good, it gives Alicia time to think. Last night was fun, it was different though, not like it used to be, it was more… free, somehow.<p>

It's not as awkward and strange as she thought it will be. And she thought about it a lot, ever since she told Kalinda to get out of her office. She thought about how it will be to be friends again. Sometimes she thought that it will never happen, other times she wished it could be just the way it was. But most of the times, she knew that whether it will or won't, it will never be the same, and that terrified her. Because that friendship was important to her, and she feared that she'll never have that again. She feared that even if she'll ever reconcile with Kalinda she won't find this, that special connection she shared with her before, that click. She feared that it will be weird and forced and uncomfortable.

It wasn't, they didn't know how to act at first, when they sat at the bar, or at her room, but they find their rhythm soon enough, and then it felt natural, like they've been doing it since forever. But it wasn't the same either, she is different, and so is Kalinda, even if she refuses to acknowledge that. She told her she hasn't changed, that she is still the same person, but it is not true. She is softer, she smiles more, she is more willing to let her in, to a point of course, but it is something. Their dynamic is different too, their talks, even their body language. It's not like they picked up where they left off in their friendship but rather that it has evolved without them and now they are in a whole new place, with new rules, yet they both know them somehow.

But the connection was still there, the core of their friendship wasn't harmed and from it they could start anew. Something different, but not less important or significant; a new friendship to replace the one that was ruined. And sometimes, as Alicia had learned, a change is a good thing.

Kalinda finishes her talk and tells her: "Diane said we should take the day off, so we are free, once we're in Chicago".

Alicia nods: "we're about two hours away, I think".

"Yeah, sounds right", Kalinda agrees.

They continue to chatter for a while, and suddenly there is a loud 'thup' sound. "What was that?", Alicia asks.

"Pull over; I think we have a flat tire", Kalinda answers.

They get out of the car, and sure enough, flat tire it is.

"Great, just what we needed", Alicia isn't happy at all, and then she sees Kalinda going to the side of the road: "hmm, what you're doing? We need to change the tire."

"I know", Kalinda replies, "I'm taking care of that".

"From so far? Do you have some super powers you didn't tell me about?", she enquires.

Kalinda smirks: "I do have super powers, but that beside the point, I'm going to get someone to do this for us".

Alicia laughs at this, and when Kalinda looks at her quizzically she stops: "Sorry, it's just, do you want to tell me that the bad-ass Kalinda Sharma can't change a tire on her own?"

Kalinda huffs at that: "Of course I can, it just so much easier to get someone else to do it for you".

"Come on, I'll do it", Alicia declares, "I haven't done this since college, but I think I'll manage".

Kalinda won't budge: "but, I…" she point to the road, "It'll take me just a second".

Alicia sure it will, she doesn't doubt Kalinda's powers of persuasion, but it is a new found habit (since last night more or less) to tease Kalinda, and the look on her face is priceless.

"I thought you don't need anyone to do anything", she smirks.

"I don't, I choose to let someone help me, there's a different", Kalinda asserts.

Alicia decides she had enough: "choose me then" and she smiles a genuine smile.

Kalinda sighs: "You just don't give up do you?" and when Alicia shakes her head she adds: "The things I do for you" and smiles also.

With combined force they manage to be back on the road in less than 15 minutes, Kalinda is driving now, and she is still sulking a bit so Alicia nudges her side: "you not really mad, are you?"

"I can't believe you made me do it".

"Oh, it wasn't so bad, and you had fun".

"Your definition of fun needs readjustments", but now she can't hide her smile.

"So you aren't mad then?" Alicia asks playfully.

"No, I'm not mad, but next time we'll do things my way".

Alicia leans back into her seat: "Deal".

* * *

><p>They arrive to Chicago a little after 1, so there is still a lot of time till the kids are back from school. Kalinda stops the car near her building: "Do you need help with your bags?"<p>

"Actually, why don't you come up for a coffee" Alicia offers.

"I don't drink coffee", Kalinda reminds her with a smile.

"Okay then, milk", she chuckles.

"And that horrendous, too sweet, flavored popcorn?", Kalinda verifies.

"Well no, I'm out of those, David Lee stopped bringing me them a while ago for some reason, but I think I could manage cookies".

"You had me at 'no'", Kalinda tells her.

They sit in Alicia's kitchen, near the counter, with their drinks of choice and a bowl of cookies. Alicia dips one in her coffee when kalinda asks: "are you going to tell me about Will?", and she would, she craved for someone like Kalinda to talk to about Will when they were together, but there are more pressing matters regarding Will at the moment: "Are you?", she shoots back.

Kalinda blinks like she doesn't understand what she is talking about, and maybe she doesn't, so she elaborates: "I know he's in some kind of trouble".

Kalinda is averting her eyes now. "Come on, Kalinda, you promised you won't keep secrets from me".

"It is not my secret to tell", She says quietly.

"I'm not blind, I know something's going on, I heard things, I just want to know for sure, so I could help", she explains.

"Will wants to tell you himself", Kalinda takes a different route.

"And he will, but he won't tell me everything; He will try to keep things from me to protect me so I won't feel responsible, you know he will", she takes Kalinda hand, "I know he probably asked you not to tell me, but I can help, and I want to know".

Kalinda releases a breath "Fine, okay".

"I know there some kind of investigation going on, I saw Wendy Scott-Carr at Lockhart/Gardner, why are they after Will?", She tries to help her to start.

"Well, they investigating him on charges of judicial bribe, there's probably going to be a grand jury next week", Kalinda informs her.

"That bad?", she asks.

"Yeah, we don't sure they actually have something, but you know how grand juries are".

"So, is Peter involved, or is it just Wendy?" she needs to know, and if anybody has the answers it's Kalinda.

"Peter started it, but then he passed it to Wendy Scott-Carr and she's in control now", Kalinda is squirming in her seat by now.

"I have to talk to him", Alicia says decisively, and starts to get up, but Kalinda's hand on her arm stops her: "Alicia, that's not all".

Kalinda is looking down and Alicia can tell just from her tone that this is serious: "What is it?"

"Umm, they have something on you", Kalinda whisper is so soft that Alicia almost doesn't hear her: "On me? What?", she starts to get nervous.

"The rider", Kalinda looks like she wants to be anywhere but here.

"Oh god", Alicia's hand is on her mouth, she can't believe it, she knew something was going to happen with this damn rider.

"Oh god", she says again: "How, who?"

"They got it from the opposite attorney, they tried to use it to get me to give them something that will hurt Will", Kalinda is looking at her again.

"You?" Alicia doesn't understand at first, but then it sinks in. "But how would they know?"

Kalinda doesn't say anything for a second or two. "My guess is…"

"Cary", Alicia completes her, figuring it out herself, "No one else there would think to use me to get to you".

"Yeah", Kalinda agrees reluctantly, Alicia knows she quite liked the guy, but he betrayed her again and again, first the jail thing and now this.

Suddenly the meaning of this all hits her and she freaks out, her job is at risk, the kids… she wouldn't be able to support her family: "Oh no, what shell I do? What did you do?".

Alicia is trying to stay calm, stoic, like she has so many times before, but it's hard when it's her kids that's on the line. Kalinda sees her distress and puts her hand on her back and rubs in effort to calm her down. "Relax, it's going to be okay, they won't use it, I made sure of that".

Alicia eyes are wide now: "You… you…?".

Kalinda smiles for the first time since they started this conversion: "No, don't worry, I didn't sell Will either", of course she didn't, Alicia thinks to herself, she should have known better.

"They just choose the wrong girl to mess with, that's all", and by the time Kalinda finishes this sentence there is a full on smug grin on her face.

Alicia can't help but smile a little herself, even though she is nervous: "They sure did". It makes her feel better, knowing that Kalinda is on her side.

Her breathing is back to normal now, and she can think clearly again: "Thank you".

Kalinda does some sort of gesture with her hand to dismiss her thanks, but Alicia clarifies: "Thank you for telling me, I know it wasn't easy for you". This time Kalinda makes a small nod, she takes a cookie from the bowl and hands it to Alicia: "Cookie?" .

Alicia laughs "No, I think I'll pass, but thank you".

"You're welcome", Kalinda beams.

They talk some more, Kalinda saying that Alicia needn't worry about the grand jury; they have a plan, but the fewer people to know about it the better, Alicia can accept that. She is still a little nervous about the rider, and Kalinda senses that, and calms her down about that too. It amazes her how easy it is for Kalinda to do so, to calm her down, make her feel better. She always knew that Kalinda will be there for her, protect her, but now she knows that she also won't keep things from her. Strangely enough, she comes out of this conversion with the knowledge of some disturbing facts and a few difficulties she'll have to face in the near future, but also a lot calmer than in the start. True, Will is about to face a hard time, but he'll survive. And she may face a danger too, but she got some fierce force in the form of Kalinda by her side. But most important than all, she's now sure that what she and Kalinda have is strong, that their friendship will prevail, and they will manage every obstacle that'll come their way.

In the end, the kids are back from school, and Kalinda takes it as her cue to leave. Alicia sees her to the door, and hugs her there, Kalinda hugs her back. No words are spoken, no words are necessary.


End file.
